New West End Synagogue - St Petersburgh Place

Address by Rabbi Geoffrey Shisler to the Wedding Reunion Service held on Sunday 20th May 2001

As far as we know, today is unique in the history of Anglo-Jewry. We’re not aware that an event of this nature has ever been held before in any congregation in the United Kingdom, and it is with very great pleasure that I welcome you to the New West End Synagogue this afternoon.

When we conceived of the idea of having a celebration of all the people who’ve been married here, there was a lot of speculation about the number of weddings that have actually taken place in this Shul. It was opened in 1879 and, just for a moment, before I tell you, perhaps you’d like to have a guess yourselves.

Well, in preparation for today, I recently went through all the marriage registers in our archives - we still have them going back to the very beginning of the congregation - and I discovered some statistics that I’m sure you’ll find interesting.

The first year that the Synagogue was opened, there were five weddings. By the turn of the century it had hosted 250.

The largest number of weddings in any one year was 1948 when 91 took place, either at the synagogue (by far the majority), or in another venue, but under its auspices.

I’m sure you won’t be surprised to know that the period in which most weddings took place here was just after the Second World War when the troops returned from service, and in the years from 1946 to 1956 there were 884.

So how many have there been altogether?

Well, since the opening of the Shul, until today, there have been 3639 weddings under the auspices of the New West End, and most of you here today, were amongst that number.

For some of you, coming back will be akin to returning to the scene of the crime, and for others a visit to the place where it all began. For some people, I expect it will be proof that your mother-in-law was wrong all those years ago when she said:, ‘It will never last’! For all of you, I sincerely hope, especially if you haven’t been back since your wedding day, it will evoke many lovely memories, - for while you may have got older, I’m sure you’ll agree, this Shul hasn’t!

The fact that there are so many people here is, I believe, a great tribute to the strength of a true Jewish marriage. We have amongst us people who’ve been married for 50 years and more, and in a society where it’s becoming remarkable to find a couple who’re still together for even ten years, this large gathering demonstrates that, when marriage is entered into for the right reasons, that union, and the bond between that man and woman grows and gets stronger and stronger as the years go by.

I’m very fond of ‘Fiddler On the Roof,’ as I’m sure many of you are. Do you remember when Tevye asks Golda, ‘Do you love me?’ And she says, ‘Do I what?’ And she says something like, ‘For 25 years I’ve washed your clothes, and made your meals and brought up your children, and after all this time you want to know if I love you!’

I like to tell young couples under the Chuppah, if you think you love one another today, just wait. If you’ve married for the right reasons, as the years pass by you’ll learn what true love really is. And I’m positive that you will all agree with me that this is true. If we’re lucky, and if we work at it, the longer we’re married, we find that the love we have for our spouse deepens into something far more than the doey-eyed infatuation that we mistook for love, all those years ago.

When I meet with youngsters before their wedding and talk about the future, I warn them that marriage isn’t easy. If two people from different families are to come to live together peacefully, there will have to be a great deal of give-and-take. And in truth, as you’ll know, far more give than take.

From the Jewish perspective we believe that, when Gd is brought in to be a partner in the relationship, its chances of success are further enhanced.

The Rabbis point out that the Hebrew word for a man is Ish and the Hebrew word for a woman is Ishah. There are two letters that are common to both words, they are the Aleph and the Shin, and there are two letters unique to each - there’s a Yud in Ish and a Hay in Ishah. Those two letters Yud and Hay together form the word Yah, which is one of Gd’s names.

But, if you remove the Yud and Hay, you’re left with only Aleph and Shin which form the word Aish - fire.

Without Yah - Gd in a marriage, you’re left with Aish - a considerably greater chance of conflagration.

But, of course, we can’t just get married and leave it all to Gd to make it work. There are other factors as well.

We read in the Torah yesterday about the Mitzvah of Shmittah - the Sabbatical Year. Every seven years, the farmer was obliged to leave his fields almost totally untended. He was not allowed to cultivate them or plant any new produce.

There were two reasons for this. One was to allow his fields to recuperate after six consecutive years of use, and the other was to demonstrate his total, and complete faith in the Almighty, that, even though he didn’t grow any food that year, he and his family wouldn’t starve, as Gd would protect them.

The Torah, understanding human nature very well, says:

Vechi Tomeru Mah Nuchal Bashana Hashevi’it...

But if you will think to yourselves, ‘what shall we eat during that seventh year, after all we didn’t plant any crops, we’re not growing our food as we usually do...it promises that Gd will bless the sixth year and make certain that during that year, you will grow sufficient crops to carry you through the seventh as well. In other words, the seventh year won’t be blessed, but the sixth will.

This, I think , is very interesting because Gd, as it were, gives us the reward even before the Mitzvah’s been performed. He looks into the heart and sees that the farmer is going to leave his fields fallow NEXT year, and because of that he gives him a bumper crop THIS year.

The great Chassidic teacher Rav Nathanson of Levov explains why.

He says that Berachot - blessings - can’t come on nothing. If you don’t plant anything then there’s nothing to bless. That’s why the blessing, if there’s going to be one, has to come in the sixth year.

It seems to me that this idea gives us an insight into those marriages which succeed and those which unfortunately don’t.

When a couple come together with totally shared goals and aspirations, when they understand that living with a stranger is going to be a life-time learning process - when they know in the depths of their hearts that they will never be able to achieve their ambitions in life without that precise person at their sides, and when they determine together that Gd will always play a prominent role in their life - then there is something which is deserving of Gd’s blessing.

Gd looks into our hearts and knows full well the intentions of each prospective partner. And when he sees that they’re honest, he showers his blessing on that couple.

It’s my belief that, every couple who’s here today and has shared many years together, has done so because your marriage is indeed blessed by Gd. Sure, as I said before, you’ve had to play your part and work through the hard times as well as the good ones. But you would never have been able to achieve that without the Almighty’s Berachot, and if you have his blessings, then you must deserve them.

My prayer is that he will continue to shower his blessings on you. That he will grant you good health for many, many years ,and that you shall all have the delight of being able to enjoy the success of your children, grandchildren and even your great-grandchildren. And may your marriage continue to be a beacon to future generations of what a true Jewish home should be.

Amen